Battle With the Britons! Page 6
“You do realize that GERMANIA is a lot farther
Septimus’s eyes nearly popped out with rage.
He thrust his stick in her belly. “You. Give me one
hundred jumping jacks! NOW!”
Septimus continued with his speech. “You’ll be up
against Britannia’s GREATEST animal gladiators,
and I’m expecting YOU to prove Rome’s MIGHT
and send them packing, thus soothing the BRITONS’
angry little brains and eradicating any thoughts they
might have about rising up against their wonderful
Roman benefactors. UNDERSTAND?”
He’s giving
me a
headache.
Are
you
nuts
?
I just wanted him to
stop shouting at me!
“Now, this tournament begins in TWO HOURS,”
roared Septimus, “so I want you dressed and ready
for combat in ONE! Do NOT be late!” And he
stalked off to the Roman fort.
from here than it is from Rome? I’m going to have to
kick your backside EVEN HARDER to get you there
if you don’t shut up WITH YOUR BABBLING!”
“So sorry, Septimus,” whimpered Felix. “Would
you like me to give you another hundred push-ups?”
Septimus dropped Felix back on the ground. “That
would be very kind of you, thank you.”
O
W
!
BOO
T!
“What was THAT for?” shouted Julius.
“‘WHAT WAS THAT FOR?’ You abandoned
me in Rome, then you abandon me in this crazy
place. What’s wrong with me? Do I smell of cheese or
something?”
“A little,” said Julius, rubbing his shin.
The animals flopped to the floor, exhausted. But
before they had a chance to catch their breath, Pliny
the mouse scuttled into view.
“Oh, look out!” said Julius.
“YES, ‘LOOK OUT,’ INDEED!” snapped the tiny
mouse.
This is the
last time!
Now,
let’s get
working!
I mean it!
Cornelius kicked Julius on his other leg. “Shush!”
“We don’t know what we’re up against here,”
squeaked Pliny, “so let’s make sure we’re ready for
ANYTHING!”
Not
yet ...
See any half-naked
savages?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
PIGS MIGHT FLY
With the tournament minutes away from starting,
the arena was already packed with a mix of Roman
dignitaries and rowdy Britons.
Julius and Cornelius peeked through the gateway
to check out the audience.
Cornelius looked
toward the north
entrance of the arena,
where their opponents
would appear from.
“I wonder who we’re
up against. I gotta
say, I really don’t
like my chances
against a bear.”
Gulp!
You’re up
first!
The cornicines suddenly blared their horns to
declare that the games had begun.
“Good luck, Cornelius!” said Julius. “Show those
Brits who’s boss!”
“Yeah! Kick some Briton BUTT!” yelled Pliny.
The summa rudis marched into the center of the
arena and raised his arms to silence the crowd.
“CITIZENS OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE!” he
A big hand slapped onto Cornelius’s shoulder.
“FEAR NOT, WARTHOG!” barked Septimus.
“We have a special adversary for you, Piggy!”
ROMANS GO HOME!
BOO!
Beat it!
“In our first fight today,” continued the summa rudis,
“we will witness PIG VERSUS PIG!”
“WHAT?” cried Cornelius. “I . . . I don’t
understand. . . .”
A bloodthirsty cheer erupted around the tiny
stadium.
“What sort of pigs do they have out here, then?”
asked Julius.
cried. A wave of angry BOOs rippled around the
arena. The summa rudis let out a nervous cough.
“Welcome to BRITONS GOT TALENT,
where we pit ROMAN versus BRITON, as we bring
you CHAMPIONS from the city of Rome itself!”
GRR!
“FLIPPIN’ HECK! He’s like a shaved version of
Cornelius!” said Rufus.
“Uh, THAT sort!” said Felix, pointing to the other
end of the arena.
GET OUT
THERE!
Hey!
Bo
ot!
Cornelius stumbled out to the center of the arena
to a mix of cheers and boos.
Pericles the pig looked unimpressed. “Not him!” he
growled. “I want the zebra!”
The summa rudis tried to placate him. “I’m afraid
you don’t understand, Pericles. There isn’t a choice of
opponent. You have to fight the warthog.”
“From Britannia,” continued the summa rudis,
“we have PERICLES THE PIG!” A great
roar went up, shaking the wooden structure of the
stadium. “And from Rome, CORNELIUS THE
WARTHOG!”
G
E
T
O
U
T
O
F
M
Y
W
A
Y
!
The crowd rose to their feet as Pericles confronted
poor Cornelius. “And that means YOU, TOO,
ROMAN HOG!”
“No, Roman, YOU don’t understand!”
The enraged Pericles stood bellowing and snorting
at the Roman arena gate. “THE ZEBRA!” he
roared. “BRING ME THE ZEBRA! I WILL BRING
YOU ROMANS DOWN!”
Leave
this to
ME!
“Well, that’s a good start,” said Julius with a gulp.
The agitated crowd started booing and chanting,
“ROMANS OUT! ROMANS OUT!”
Septimus signaled to two watching soldiers to drag
Pericles away.
“No, Donkey, it is NOT a good start,” growled
Septimus.
“Maybe I should go on next, to calm the crowd,”
said Julius. “Who’s the next opponent?”
“Douglas the sheep,” replied Septimus.
“A SHEEP?” Felix laughed. “Sheep are stupid,
bumbling creatures!”
Where’s
this fluffy
little sheep?
The blast of the cornicines’ horns and the roar of the
crowd signaled the entrance of Felix’s opponent.
“WAIT!” cried Septimus. “THIS IS NO ORDINARY
SHEEP. . . . ” But it was too late. Felix skipped into
the arena, greeted by boos and laughter.
I am here,
Roman.
“A AIIEE! YOU’RE NOT A SHEEP!” screamed
Felix. “YOU’RE A MONSTER!”
“ARE YE THE ZEBRA?” growled Douglas,
thumping his shield against his horns like a drum.
“Um . . . no,” whimpered Felix. “I’m the antelope.”
“Then YER GOIN’ DOWN, ROMAN!”
&n
bsp; The crowd roared their approval.
Back at the gate, Julius put his head in his hooves.
“This really isn’t going to end well.”
The cornicines signaled the start of the fight, and the
grizzled sheep didn’t waste any time in battering his
sword against Felix’s shield.
C
o
m
e
o
n
,
F
e
li
x
!
Keep your
body behind
that shield.
Y
o
u
c
a
n
d
o
it
!
But suddenly the sheep jogged away to the far side
of the arena. Julius turned to Pliny and the others and
shrugged. “Where’s he going?”
“Maybe these Britons aren’t as tough as we thought,”
Pliny said with a laugh. “Felix has got him on the run!”
“I wouldn’t bet on it,” warned Milus.
Much to everyone’s surprise, the plucky antelope
held his ground against the relentless blows.
Douglas the sheep bent forward, pointing his
unwieldy horns in Felix’s direction, and bellowed,
“YE ROMANS CAN’T PUSH US AROUND
ANYMORE! YE ARE GOING DOWN!”
A furious and desperate Septimus turned to Julius.
“GET OUT THERE, DONKEY!” he screamed.
“Fight for the pride of Rome! And if you DON’T win,
YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC FRIENDS WILL
NEVER SEE FREEDOM AGAIN!”
The crowd stood up and cheered their approval.
I am
ready!
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HOO NOO, BROON COO!
Septimus shoved Julius out into the arena. “NOW,
MAKE YOUR EMPEROR PROUD!” he bellowed.
A great roar erupted from the crowd as Julius
strutted to the center of the arena.
Go on, Julius!
Knock
some sense
into these
barbarians!
Back at the gate, Lucia, Rufus, Milus, and Pliny
looked on anxiously.
“This crowd REALLY hates us,” said Rufus.
“Actually, they hate the Romans, and that includes
US!” replied Lucia, biting her claws.
In Rome only a few weeks ago, Julius had entered
the Colosseum the people’s hero, but out here it was
a different story entirely; out here the audience saw
Julius as the enemy and hated him and all his fellow
Roman gladiators.
He’d already seen Cornelius and Felix soundly
thrashed by the ferocious Britons. He was going to
have to draw on all his training and experience to get
him through the next few minutes.
We should start
thinking about getting
out of here!
I’m in!
“We’ll let Julius fight this next gladiator, then we’ll
make a run for it,” whispered Rufus.
“Good idea,” said Lucia. “I’ll start thinking of an
escape plan. You in, Milus?”
“I’m not sure I like being called a Roman,”
whispered Rufus, trying not to let Septimus hear him.
“Me neither,” said Lucia.
The familiar PARP of the cornicines’ horns finally
heralded the entrance of Julius’s opponent.
“ALL THE WAY FROM THE HIGHLANDS OF
CALEDONIA,” cried
the summa rudis,
“BERTA THE
COW!”
From the opposite
gate stomped in the
biggest, hairiest cow
Julius or any of the
others had ever
seen.
“GEEZ!” cried
Pliny. “Look at the
horns on HER!”
As the
summa rudis
drew the two
adversaries
together, Julius
gasped at the
size of his
opponent.
“Are YE supposed to be THE MIGHTY
ZEEBRA?” rasped Berta, poking Julius in the
stomach. “Ye dunna look so mighty from where
AH’M standin’!”
The trumpets
signaled the start
of the fight, and
Julius immediately
shoved the huge
cow with his shield,
forcing her to stumble
backward. The
audience let out a gasp.
What are
YE
lookin’ at?
Gulp!
Come on,
Julius!
He might
actually
do this!
I can’t
watch!
The embarrassed Berta held up her massive two-
handed sword above her head and rushed at Julius
with a great ROAR, then brought the blade down
onto Julius’s shield with a KLANG, sending
thundering shockwaves through his body.
“Yikes! I felt THAT!” shuddered Pliny.
“I think the whole amphitheater did,” said Lucia,
peeking through her claws.
ROMANS, GO HOME!
RO
MA
NS
,
GO
HO
ME
!
RO
M
AN
S,
GO
HO
M
E!
Berta unleashed a volley of blows against the
valiant but ultimately overpowered zebra, pinning
him to the floor.
“Haven’t yez got it into yer head yet, Zeebra?” spat
Berta. “We DUNNA WANT yez Romans here!”
“I don’t want to be here, EITHER!” cried Julius.
The crowd was going wild. Some of them even
started ripping up the wooden stadium seats and
chucking the broken slats into the arena.
Fight back,
you miserable
DONKEY!
Or you’ll have
the emperor
to answer to!
Gathering all his strength, Julius let out a great yell.
He charged at the enormous cow with his shield and
flew into an attack with his sword, but Berta easily
parried him away, sending Julius crashing to the
ground.
Septimus had seen enough.
Come on, Julius!
GET UP!
Gasp!
Julius leaped up, but with a swipe of the handle of
her sword, Berta sent him flying, knocking his helmet
right off his head.
The cow raised her massive sword for one final
blow.
Is this the best
that ROME
has to offer?
My auld
granny
had more
bite in her
FALSE
TEETH!
The dazed Julius braced himself behind his shield,
his energy and resolve finally spent.
“JULIUS! NOOOOO!” cried a desperate
Lucia.
In fact, she
could take
on ALL
of yez
ROMAN
NANNY
GOATS!
Spl
at!
Sp
la
t!
Bo
nk!
Umm
The whole arena exploded with a deep roar from the
crowd. The empire’s so-called great zebra champion
and ALL the Roman gladiators were BEATEN!
Some of the audience began climbing over
the arena wall and chanting abuse at the Roman
dignitaries. Big chunks of wooden seating rained
down, sending the Romans running for their lives.
The unruly crowd then turned on the handful of
cowering Roman soldiers who were struggling to
keep the situation under control.
Let’s get
him out of
here quickly!
Septimus shepherded them all out the back gate
and straight into the Roman fort next door as the
amphitheater erupted into chaos.
After the giant gates of the fort slammed shut
behind them, Septimus exploded into a frenzy.
“GET THAT STRIPEY IDIOT BACK
HERE AT ONCE!” Septimus screamed.
Rufus and Lucia sprinted to their stricken friend,
who lay semiconscious on the arena floor, the
rampaging crowd threatening to trample him
underfoot.
You
call
you
rsel
ves
GL
ADI
AT
OR
S?
You have
brought shame
upon our
GREAT
EMPIRE!
“HADRIAN WILL BE HEARING ABOUT THIS
OUTR AGE!” he yelled. “IN FACT, I’VE GOT
A GOOD MIND TO SEND YOU ALL PACKING
BACK TO ROME!”
He grabbed Julius and pulled him right up to his face.
“You have another fight in two days, Donkey.
Prepare to be trained to within an inch of YOUR
MISERABLE, FURRY LIFE!”
The next morning, Septimus put Julius and his