Battle With the Britons! Page 7
friends through their most punishing training
regime EVER.
You
will
pay
for
this
DISG
RAC
E!
Puff!
Gasp!
Pa
nt!
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
HOLE LOT OF TROUBLE
Give me
one hundred squat
thrusts NOW!
I
HA
T
E
sq
u
a
t
th
ru
st
s!
NOOO!
Felix was really starting to struggle. “THESE
PUSH-UPS ARE KILLING ME!” he cried. “I CAN’T
FEEL MY ARMS!”
Septimus stormed over. “What’s that, Goat? You
can’t feel your arms, you say?”
“No . . .” whimpered the floundering antelope.
“Then let’s work on those RIDICULOUS
SPINDLY LEGS OF YOURS!”
I can’t
TAKE
any more!
Ga
sp
!
Ju
st
th
ro
w
me
to
th
e
lio
ns
no
w!
“We don’t stand a chance against those Briton
beasts no matter HOW much we train!” whimpered
Felix. “I don’t know what they eat out here, but
they’re MONSTERS!”
Lucia sidled up to Julius. “Fear not,” she whispered.
“I have formulated an escape plan!” And she tapped
the side of her nose.
Soon they all collapsed from exhaustion, dizziness,
and discombobulation.
“GOOD WORK!” barked Septimus. “Have a
little rest, because we’re off for a twenty-mile
cross-country run in five minutes.”
Come on,
I’m up for a run!
Usual route
around the fort?
Septimus looked at Lucia suspiciously. “WAIT
A MINUTE!” he said. “You must think I’m
STUPID!”
“Whatever do you mean?” replied Lucia innocently.
“But how?” said Julius. “Septimus will be watching
us like a hawk after last time.”
“Don’t worry,” she said, tapping her nose again.
“Just watch me.”
“No dressing up?”
“No dressing up!” the crocodile promised.
I hope you know what
you’re doing....
Trust me.
As they reached the fort, Lucia jogged up next to
Septimus.
“So, have you had much of a chance to look
around Britannia since we arrived, Septimus?” she
asked politely.
“If you think I’m going to let you go running on
your own after LAST TIME, you’ve got another thing
coming. I’m going with you!”
“Of course!” said Lucia, and they all ran off toward
the fort.
Beautiful
meadows,
you say?
Oh,
yes!
Positively
magnificent!
“In fact, the wet seasons here create a gorgeous lush
green landscape.”
“WHAT?” replied Septimus gruffly. “No, I
haven’t, not while I’ve had to keep an eye on YOU
ODDBALLS!”
“Oh, it really is a lovely place,” she said. “Rolling
hills and beautiful meadows to rival even Rome
itself.”
What IS
Lucia up to?
Beats me!
This way, everyone!
As they trotted across the fields and around
marshlands, Lucia dutifully pointed out interesting
plants and natural wonders.
“SHOW ME these meadows, Crocodile,” said
Septimus. “I do like collecting wildflowers. They can
often be useful ingredients for the infusion of balms
and oils.”
Lucia winked at the others.
“He does like his bathing oils, old Septimus,”
whispered Julius.
May
be
we
could
rest
at
this
beau
ty
spot
befo
re
head
ing
back
.
“Yes, good plan!” agreed Septimus, admiring the
view. “And when we get back, we can finish off with
FIFTY JUMPING JACKS!”
“But Septimus, we can jump here!” cried Lucia.
They skirted around the edge of the ancient
woodlands, keeping a beady eye out for any
shifty-looking warriors who might jump out with
their bows and arrows.
Finally, they reached the boggy puddles that Rufus
had cleverly steered the gang through while escaping
the local barbarians.
Jumping in
puddles is lots
of fun!
She’s gone
bonkers!
Splip!
“Yes, that looks like oodles of fun!” said Felix, and
he and Rufus both joined in, leaping from puddle to
puddle.
“Come on, Julius and Cornelius!” called out Lucia
with a cheeky wink. “And you, Milus. You could
definitely do with some cheering up!”
Sigh.
If I must...
S
p
lo
p
!
“YOUR TURN!” shouted Lucia to Septimus.
Septimus huffed with indignation. “You are, of
course, joking.”
“Oh, come on, Septimus!” cried Felix. “Jump away
all that tension! No one’s looking!”
Septimus grimaced, his eyes swiveling from one
side to the other, to see if anyone might actually be
watching. He took a deep breath and snorted through
his big hairy nostrils.
“Oh, all right,” he muttered.
Ho-ho!
It IS
really
fun!
S
P
L
I
S
H
!
“SEE?” shouted Lucia. “I told you!”
As Septimus gleefully hopped from one big puddle
to the next, Lucia suddenly pointed to a MASSIVE
puddle just up ahead. “Check out the size of THAT
one!” she squealed. “YOU have it, Septimus.”
“OF COURSE I SHOULD HAVE IT!” he
bellowed. And he took an enormous run before
leaping into the air like a gazelle.
He’s
com
plet
ely
disa
ppe
are
d!
“I KNOW!” cried Lucia. “That’s the puddle
Rufus fell into up to his neck! I saved it especially for
Septimus!”
“QUICKLY!” shouted Julius. “Let’s move it before
he surfaces!” And they ran away as fast as they could.
As they leaped over hedges and across fields,
Cornelius suddenly slapped h
is face.
“PLINY!” he cried. “We forgot PLINY again!”
“No, we didn’t,” said Milus, and he opened a
pouch attached to his belt.
All
righ
t,
guys
?
Th
ank
s
for
the
dre
nchi
ng!
“Lucia warned me about her plan, and I thought
we should probably bring the little rodent along for
the ride,” said Milus.
“What?” said Julius, confused. “You knew about the
puddle plan beforehand?”
“You think I’d be happily jumping in puddles
otherwise?” Milus snarled.
“Hmm . . . I did wonder!” said Felix.
“And do you have a plan as to what we do NOW,
Lucia?” squeaked Cornelius. “We’re in the middle of
nowhere!”
Of COURSE I
have a plan!
When
have you
known ME to
be without
a plan?
“Follow me!” she said before jogging off.
As they followed her over a hill, Lucia pointed to a
familiar-looking round hut with smoke drifting out of
its tall, pointed roof.
“We’re staying here tonight!” said the crocodile.
“They’ll never think of looking for us here.” Lucia ran
up to the small door and gave it a gentle knock.
“But there’s a GHOST living in there!” screamed
Felix, backing away slowly. “I saw it with my own
eyeballs!”
“You saw no such thing,” said Milus.
“But what if it’s the home of ANGRY BARBARIAN
WARRIORS?” asked a worried Julius.
See?
“Then we just look for somewhere else to stay,”
replied Lucia, shrugging. “Simple!”
Suddenly, the little wooden door creaked open,
and a strange, pungent smell wafted out of the hut.
A hooded old lady shuffled into the doorway.
“Do come in,” she said with a smile. “I’ve just been
cooking a broth. . . .”
“Why are we here?” whispered Julius, looking around
the eerie hovel. “This place gives me the CREEPS!”
“You are free to leave,” croaked the old lady. “Do
you think me glad to have the likes of a lion and a
crocodile prowling about my house?”
“Y-yeah, she’s right.” Felix gulped. “We should go and
find somewhere else to sleep. I’ll see you guys later. . . .”
“You’re going nowhere,” said Rufus, pulling Felix
back by the horns.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
BOIL AND BUBBLE
Um, we’re
gladiators
from
Rome....
S
L
U
R
P
!
“I know who you are!” said the old crone, turning
toward the warthog and staring deep into his eyes.
“You are Romans, but I believe there is more to you
than meets the eye.”
She shuffled to the middle of the room, where a
large iron cauldron bubbled away, the source of the
overpowering
stench. “I have
been making
a broth. You are
most welcome
to partake
with me.”
“Please excuse my friends,” apologized Lucia.
“We’re just looking for somewhere to spend the night.”
The Romans
are weak ...
and the people
can tell.
She immediately coughed and retched, spitting the
broth back into the cauldron. “Needs more salt,” she
said, and shuffled to one of her shelves to pick up a
small bowl of salt crystals.
Felix made a face of disgust at Julius, sticking out
his tongue. “I ain’t eating it,” he whispered. “You can’t
make me!”
Lucia gave the antelope a swift kick in the shin to
shut him up.
“I heard word of your contest yesterday. There is
much trouble in the air,” croaked the old lady as she
handed out bowls of broth.
Nah! That’s
all right!
I’ll just
have some
of Milus’s.
“We were brought over here to demonstrate how
strong Rome is,” said Julius helpfully.
“A last throw of the dice from a weak emperor!”
rasped the old lady. “War is coming and he knows it.
We all know it. And there’s nothing Hadrian can do to
stop it.”
“That’s what I’VE been trying to tell ’em!” piped
up Pliny, poking his head out of Milus’s pouch.
“These Romans are SCOUNDRELS. I wouldn’t trust
them as far as I could THROW them!”
The old lady laughed at the feisty mouse.
“Would you like some broth, too, little warrior?
I have plenty to go around.”
What we need
is a chieftain.
Someone like
Boudicca!
“Boudicca?” said Julius. “Who’s Boudicca?”
“Will you, now?” growled Milus.
“Excuse me, but if the Romans are so weak,” said
Julius as he sipped his broth, “then what do any of
you have to fear?”
The old crone stared into the hearth. “Our own
leaders are weak, too! We have plenty of fighting
men, but they are a rabble without leadership.”
Ahem!
Boudicca is the
warrior queen
who nearly
defeated the
Romans sixty
years ago!
“Your hairy friend knows his history well!” the old
lady said appreciatively. “I was at the warrior queen’s
side when we nearly drove these Roman cockroaches
away all those years ago.”
“WOW! How exciting!” exclaimed Lucia.
The crone continued. “So fearsome was our queen
that she almost rid every nook and cranny of our land
of these vermin. The mad Emperor Nero himself was
ready to order his army’s retreat and leave us as they
had found us.” She let out a deep sigh and shook her
head. “But ’twas not to be. . . .”
The crone stood up to collect the empty bowls.
“If Boudicca could see how our chieftains crawl and
bow to the Roman invaders today,” she rasped, “she
would rip out her own heart!”
Here’s her
cloak!
Why don’t
you try
it on?
Lucia nearly fainted. “Oh, but I couldn’t, it’s too
precious.”
The old crone shuffled over to the cloak and
unhooked it. “Put it on, child. Our queen would share
her mantle with one so courageous.”
“Seems a bit drastic,” whispered Felix to Julius.
“Please, tell us more about Boudicca,” urged Lucia.
“She sounds FIERCE!”
“Oh, my dear, Boudicca was a warrior so brave
and ingenious, why, when she flew into battle on her
chariot —”
“SHE RODE A CHARIOT?”
Wo
w!
It’s
so
bea
utif
ul!
She started skipping around the room. “I want to
be a queen riding into battle on my chariot!”
The old lady chuckled. “Oh, how we Britons need
another Boudicca today!”
“HEY! I want to dress up, too!” said Julius. “But I
want some of those blue paintings on my skin like
our opponents!”
The old lady tottered to one of her shelves. “Then
I have just the thing for you!”
She showed Julius a pot of blue paste. “This is
woad. It is what our warriors use to paint patterns
onto their bodies. Would you like to try some?”
Lucia held the soft woolen cloak out in front of
her. The orange and red checks looked as fresh as
they must have on the day it was made. She swept it
behind her and tied two corners around her neck.
P.U.! It
stinks!
S
n
if
f
I feel
like I
could
take
on the
WORLD!
“You must choose an animal whose image would
provoke FEAR in your enemies!” said the old lady.
Felix piped up. “Make it a SPIDER, Julius. I hate
spiders!”
“Good answer. A spider it is, then!” said Julius.
The crone
cackled, then
dipped her finger
in the paste and
started drawing on
Julius’s chest.
After ten
minutes, she sat
back and admired
her handiwork. “Well,
what do you think?”
Be the
CHAMPIONS
that everyone
says you are!
“You might find that you’ll make more friends than
enemies AND rid us of the Roman scourge once and
for all!”
“Then why don’t you?” said the old lady.