Battle With the Britons! Read online

  Septimus leaned over to get an even better look.

  “FISH? You are more of an imbecile than I gave

  you credit for, Donkey!”

  Julius shrugged. “Oh,

  well. I tried!” And with

  that, he plunged into the

  sea with his friends.

  Haul those

  idiots out!

  This chain mail

  is too heavy!

  G

  l

  u

  b

  .

  I’m

  sinking!

  I’m

  sinking!

  H

  e

  l

  p

  !

  Unfortunately, as soon as he plopped in, Julius

  realized that he could barely move.

  In fact, the chain mail was dragging him under.

  He frantically looked around and saw that all his

  friends were also struggling to stay afloat. “HELP US,

  SEPTIMUS!” cried Julius. “WE’RE DROWNING!”

  What did you think

  you were DOING?

  Carpe

  diem and

  all that.

  Fla

  p!

  F

  lo

  p

  !

  “SEND THESE BLUBBER BRAINS DOWN

  TO THE HOLD!” shrieked Septimus. “I’LL DEAL

  WITH THEM LATER!”

  “I’m so sorry. I nearly killed us all off,” sniveled

  Lucia as they were led down the hatchway. “I’ll think

  of a better plan next time, I promise!”

  Using boat hooks and a fishing net, the crew

  hauled the animals back on board with a big wet

  PLOP. They flapped about on the deck like

  floundering fish, but they weren’t fooling anyone.

  Then we

  can have

  as long a

  vacation as

  we want!

  “You really do live in a dream world, Zebra!” said

  Milus as he jumped into his hammock. “Hasn’t this

  trip taught you ANYTHING about these Roman

  scoundrels?” He picked up his knapsack and started

  to rummage inside it. “The only escape from these

  wretches is DEATH!”

  “Oh, nice!” said Julius.

  “Don’t worry about it,” said Julius as he pulled

  off his costume. “It looks like we’re going to have

  to stick it out on this stinking slave ship. Once we

  reach Britannia, we’ll just need to make sure we win

  Hadrian’s tournament — and our freedom.”

  HE

  Y!

  W

  ho

  ’s

  be

  e

  n

  ea

  ti

  ng

  m

  y

  bi

  sc

  ui

  ts

  ?

  He turned to Julius. “It must have been YOU!”

  he snarled. “While we were all splashing around in

  the water, you must have sneaked back here and

  eaten them!”

  “Are you CRAZY?” said Julius. “I was distracting

  Septimus all that time!”

  Milus suddenly became very agitated and sprang

  out of his hammock.

  When I find out

  who boosted

  them...

  Gulp.

  they’ll regret

  EVER crossing ME!

  Milus hurled his knapsack to the floor and

  grabbed Julius by the throat. “Being stuck on

  a ship heading toward certain death with you

  NINCOMPOOPS is bad enough,” he snarled,

  “but someone stealing my BISCUITS is the last straw.”

  Bleurgh!

  “Three weeks we’ve been stuck on this rancid

  ship. . . .” gasped an exhausted Julius, his head

  hanging over the side. “If I never see another wave

  again, it will be too soon.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  LAND OF HOPE

  AND GORY

  And where has your god

  Neptune been all this time?

  Well, you’re still

  alive, aren’t you?

  “At least this time we haven’t been cramped up in a

  tiny box,” squeaked Cornelius, also hanging his green

  face over the side of the ship.

  Julius let out a deep sigh. “Not only has Septimus

  got us working day and night, but I’ve got that

  INSANE LION thinking I yoinked his biscuits.

  Things couldn’t be more unbearable!”

  Cornelius looked up to the giant square sail,

  buffeting in the breeze. “Don’t worry, Julius. We’ve

  had two days of fair wind, so we should be there

  very soon.”

  Julius gazed off into the distance. “I don’t think I

  could suffEEUURGH!” He retched over the side again.

  “Sorry. . . . What I meant to say is, I don’t think that I

  could suffer another day of this trip, Cornelius.”

  I’m the

  PEOPLE’S

  CHAMPION!

  “HEY! WILL YOU TWO DIMWITS GET BELOW

  DECK?” boomed a voice from the captain’s cabin.

  “UNLESS OF COURSE YOU ACTUALLY WANT

  TO BE WASHED OVERBOARD!”

  Cornelius plopped himself down on the deck,

  exhausted. “That Hadrian really is a jerk,” he said.

  “He must have known what a long, treacherous

  journey this was going to be. I’ll never forgive him for

  pretending it was some nice day out.”

  “Don’t you worry, Cornelius,” said Julius as he

  plonked down next to his friend. “Once we win the

  tournament, we’ll show those Romans who they’re

  dealing with!”

  The two seasick animals dragged themselves up

  and walked slowly back to the hatchway to the

  lower deck. But as they started climbing down the

  ladder, a great roar of “LAND HO!” came from

  the lookout on the bow of the ship.

  They both turned to look. On the far distant

  horizon, a dark sliver of land began to appear through

  the mist.

  BRITANNIA!

  This is SO exciting!

  We’re at the end

  of the world!

  “Exciting, but perhaps very dangerous,” warned

  Cornelius. “From what I understand, the local

  barbarians are extremely fierce and are none too

  happy about the Romans taking over their land.”

  “Yeah!” said Rufus nervously. “I heard some of the

  crew say that the place is swarming with gruesome

  monsters, like HEADLESS MEN!”

  All the other animals rushed up on deck and gaped

  at the strange new land.

  Gulp!

  Well,

  I’m glad you

  asked!

  Excited to be

  spouting facts

  “Er, I’m not sure about the headless men,” said

  Cornelius, “but there are definitely plenty of weird

  people living on this island.”

  Lucia became very excited. “Ooh, what fun! Like

  who? Who lives here?”

  Here I

  come!

  They like to roam around NAKED

  in swamps all day.

  They are a VERY tall

  race and they walk in a

  GOOFY WAY.

  “The local inhabitants are called BRITONS.

  They are also

&n
bsp; VERY FIERCE

  because it is so cold

  and miserable. And

  when they get cold,

  they wear the SKINS

  OF ANIMALS!”

  They paint their

  bodies in amazing

  INTRICATE

  PICTURES,

  sometimes of animals,

  to harness their

  powers.

  Y

  ip

  p

  e

  e

  !

  “Thanks, Felix,” said Julius. “Your antlers would

  also make a lovely hat.”

  “You leave my antlers out of this!” squealed Felix,

  putting his hooves up to defend them.

  “I think I’m starting to look forward to this

  tournament!” said Julius. “I wonder what weird local

  animals we might be up against. I’m guessing they

  don’t have camels or lions in Britannia.”

  “You know what?” said Felix. “If I were to wear

  any one of you as a skin, it would probably be Julius.

  You’d make a lovely pair of stripey pants!”

  Bu

  t

  th

  er

  e

  ar

  e

  ta

  le

  s

  of

  fe

  ro

  cio

  us

  w

  olv

  es

  an

  d

  be

  ar

  s!

  No!

  “The only thing I’m looking forward to,” growled

  Milus, “is finding out who ate my BISCUITS!”

  “Oh, will you shut up about your STUPID

  biscuits?” muttered Julius.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  BRITON ROCK

  Wow! This

  is a million

  miles away

  from the

  crazy world

  of Rome.

  As they thumped into the jetty, Julius spotted the

  unmistakable figures of Roman legionnaires standing

  atop the towers and along the wall, keeping watch

  over the comings and goings of the small port.

  Julius and the other animals stood shivering on the

  deck as the ship drifted through the frozen mist. The

  gray-brown landscape with its scattering of skeletal

  trees loomed silently as they pulled into the dock.

  Julius could make out what looked like a long

  wooden wall with a tower constructed at either end.

  Make way, foul beasts!

  Hey!

  “Look at him all dressed up in his warm furs!” said

  Julius.

  “It gets a BIT CHILLY up here,” Septimus called

  out as he breezed past the trembling animals. “You

  might want to get yourselves wrapped up!”

  “That must be a fort,” said Cornelius. “The Romans

  sure have a lot of troublemakers keeping them busy.”

  Some vacation!

  I hope you

  want your

  grave cold

  and damp,

  Zebra!

  “You know, Milus,” sighed Julius, “I’m so glad your

  cheery, furry little face is always around to fill me

  with the joys of spring.”

  “COME ON! CHOP, CHOP! Don’t just stand there!”

  barked Septimus. “Get your packs and follow me.”

  They grabbed their belongings from the hold and

  were led up the jetty to a waiting horse-drawn cart.

  “Jump on the back. We’re heading straight to

  Londinium, and we need to get there before dark. SO

  NO MESSING AROUND!”

  Septimus marched off to fix the reins of the horses,

  and Julius looked over to the beach. “Say what you

  want about Britannia, but that really is a lovely beach.”

  It kinda

  does feel

  like we’re

  on vacation!

  Aha! I always get a

  stone from wherever

  I visit, and this is

  PERFECT!

  “Just look at all those tide pools,” said Rufus. “I bet

  you could find some crabs in there.”

  “Ooh!” cried Felix. “I bet there are some

  AWESOME rocks, too!” He dashed over to the

  water’s edge and rifled through the pebbles and

  stones that lay scattered in the mud.

  I got him!

  I got him!

  Cornelius, wearing his sun hat, joined Julius on the

  beach.

  “Nice hat, Cornelius,” said Julius.

  “Why, thank you,” said Cornelius, giving it a slight

  adjustment. “I know it’s cold, but this hat makes me

  feel like I’m on vacation.”

  Meanwhile, Lucia and Rufus were wading in a big

  tide pool with a fishing net, trying to find something

  to catch.

  “THERE!” cried Rufus. “A little crab! Get the little

  guy! Get him!”

  I said get on

  the back of

  the cart!

  Did you know that Romans wear

  the same hat to protect them

  from the sun AND the rain?

  No, I did

  not know

  that!

  Not

  have a

  siesta!

  Ulp!

  !

  “NOW GET YOUR HAIRY BOTTOMS ON

  THAT CART! IMMEDIATELY!”

  Suddenly, Septimus appeared, looming over them.

  “HAVE YOU ALL GONE INSANE?” he

  screamed, pulling at his hair.

  Help me with

  my knapsack.

  I can’t lift it!

  Julius, Cornelius, Lucia, and Rufus all dashed to

  the cart, where they found Milus lounging at the

  back. He just tutted and shook his head at them in

  disbelief.

  “WAIT!” cried Julius. “Where’s Felix?”

  From the beach came a strained cry. “JULIUS!

  GUYS! COME AND GIVE ME A HAND!”

  “That antelope is going to get us in so much trouble,”

  huffed Julius. “Come on, before Septimus notices.”

  Back on the beach, Felix was struggling with his

  bulging knapsack.

  Huff!

  O

  O

  F

  !

  They all grabbed the pack and tried to lift it up, but

  it was impossible.

  “This is ridiculous!” gasped Julius. “What have you

  got in there?”

  “It’s my rock collection,” said Felix. “I take it

  everywhere I go.”

  “We’re going to have to drag it,” said Cornelius.

  “And be quick about it, before Septimus sees us and

  explodes like Mount Vesuvius.”

  Between them they were able to pull it over to the

  cart, but they still

  couldn’t lift it onto

  the back.

  “I’m sorry, Felix,” said Julius. “But you’re going to

  have to lose some of your rocks. You can’t carry this

  pack around everywhere.”

  “NOOOO!” cried Felix. “You can’t make me!” He

  tried again to heft his pack up, but to no avail, and he

  finally collapsed in a heap. A small tear trickled down

  his cheek.

  Cornelius sat next to Felix and put his arm around

  him. “Come on, buddy,” he said. “Maybe pick your

  all-time favorites and we can go from there. I bet

&
nbsp; there’s some you don’t really need.”

  Felix just sat there, looking glum. “But I love ALL

  my rocks.”

  “We can help you choose!” said Lucia. She

  convinced Felix to empty his knapsack and lay out

  all his rocks neatly on the ground. Everyone stood

  back and stared in awe at the strange and wonderful

  collection.

  What in the name

  of JUPITER is

  going on here?

  “We’re trying to help Felix with his rock

  collection,” said Julius. “He’s having trouble deciding

  which ones to keep and which ones to leave behind.”

  Septimus grabbed a handful of the rocks, walked

  over to the water’s edge, and hurled them into the sea.

  “There,” he said, brushing his hands. “Now let’s

  MOVE IT!”

  “To be fair,” said Julius, “that is a pretty amazing

  collection!”

  Julius gaped at the endless green fields and ancient

  woodlands as their cart rolled along the smooth

  Roman road. Occasionally, in the distance here

  and there, he could spot odd-looking round houses

  with roofs of straw and walls of mud. “Why did the

  Romans come to Britannia? It’s just fields and trees!”

  said Julius. “I haven’t seen one person out here yet.”

  “Don’t worry,” replied Rufus, who was keeping a

  watchful eye. “I’m sure we’ll come across some of

  those gangly weirdos before you know it!”

  Bored with looking at fields, Julius snuggled down

  among the packs and drifted off to sleep.

  In his dreams he found himself being chased by a

  tall, scary monster.

  CHAPTER NINE

  LONDINIUM CALLING

  BRUTUS??

  No

  on

  e’s

  ste

  ali

  ng

  yo

  ur

  leg

  s!

  Ge

  t