Battle With the Britons! Read online

  “You do realize that GERMANIA is a lot farther

  Septimus’s eyes nearly popped out with rage.

  He thrust his stick in her belly. “You. Give me one

  hundred jumping jacks! NOW!”

  Septimus continued with his speech. “You’ll be up

  against Britannia’s GREATEST animal gladiators,

  and I’m expecting YOU to prove Rome’s MIGHT

  and send them packing, thus soothing the BRITONS’

  angry little brains and eradicating any thoughts they

  might have about rising up against their wonderful

  Roman benefactors. UNDERSTAND?”

  He’s giving

  me a

  headache.

  Are

  you

  nuts

  ?

  I just wanted him to

  stop shouting at me!

  “Now, this tournament begins in TWO HOURS,”

  roared Septimus, “so I want you dressed and ready

  for combat in ONE! Do NOT be late!” And he

  stalked off to the Roman fort.

  from here than it is from Rome? I’m going to have to

  kick your backside EVEN HARDER to get you there

  if you don’t shut up WITH YOUR BABBLING!”

  “So sorry, Septimus,” whimpered Felix. “Would

  you like me to give you another hundred push-ups?”

  Septimus dropped Felix back on the ground. “That

  would be very kind of you, thank you.”

  O

  W

  !

  BOO

  T!

  “What was THAT for?” shouted Julius.

  “‘WHAT WAS THAT FOR?’ You abandoned

  me in Rome, then you abandon me in this crazy

  place. What’s wrong with me? Do I smell of cheese or

  something?”

  “A little,” said Julius, rubbing his shin.

  The animals flopped to the floor, exhausted. But

  before they had a chance to catch their breath, Pliny

  the mouse scuttled into view.

  “Oh, look out!” said Julius.

  “YES, ‘LOOK OUT,’ INDEED!” snapped the tiny

  mouse.

  This is the

  last time!

  Now,

  let’s get

  working!

  I mean it!

  Cornelius kicked Julius on his other leg. “Shush!”

  “We don’t know what we’re up against here,”

  squeaked Pliny, “so let’s make sure we’re ready for

  ANYTHING!”

  Not

  yet ...

  See any half-naked

  savages?

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  PIGS MIGHT FLY

  With the tournament minutes away from starting,

  the arena was already packed with a mix of Roman

  dignitaries and rowdy Britons.

  Julius and Cornelius peeked through the gateway

  to check out the audience.

  Cornelius looked

  toward the north

  entrance of the arena,

  where their opponents

  would appear from.

  “I wonder who we’re

  up against. I gotta

  say, I really don’t

  like my chances

  against a bear.”

  Gulp!

  You’re up

  first!

  The cornicines suddenly blared their horns to

  declare that the games had begun.

  “Good luck, Cornelius!” said Julius. “Show those

  Brits who’s boss!”

  “Yeah! Kick some Briton BUTT!” yelled Pliny.

  The summa rudis marched into the center of the

  arena and raised his arms to silence the crowd.

  “CITIZENS OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE!” he

  A big hand slapped onto Cornelius’s shoulder.

  “FEAR NOT, WARTHOG!” barked Septimus.

  “We have a special adversary for you, Piggy!”

  ROMANS GO HOME!

  BOO!

  Beat it!

  “In our first fight today,” continued the summa rudis,

  “we will witness PIG VERSUS PIG!”

  “WHAT?” cried Cornelius. “I . . . I don’t

  understand. . . .”

  A bloodthirsty cheer erupted around the tiny

  stadium.

  “What sort of pigs do they have out here, then?”

  asked Julius.

  cried. A wave of angry BOOs rippled around the

  arena. The summa rudis let out a nervous cough.

  “Welcome to BRITONS GOT TALENT,

  where we pit ROMAN versus BRITON, as we bring

  you CHAMPIONS from the city of Rome itself!”

  GRR!

  “FLIPPIN’ HECK! He’s like a shaved version of

  Cornelius!” said Rufus.

  “Uh, THAT sort!” said Felix, pointing to the other

  end of the arena.

  GET OUT

  THERE!

  Hey!

  Bo

  ot!

  Cornelius stumbled out to the center of the arena

  to a mix of cheers and boos.

  Pericles the pig looked unimpressed. “Not him!” he

  growled. “I want the zebra!”

  The summa rudis tried to placate him. “I’m afraid

  you don’t understand, Pericles. There isn’t a choice of

  opponent. You have to fight the warthog.”

  “From Britannia,” continued the summa rudis,

  “we have PERICLES THE PIG!” A great

  roar went up, shaking the wooden structure of the

  stadium. “And from Rome, CORNELIUS THE

  WARTHOG!”

  G

  E

  T

  O

  U

  T

  O

  F

  M

  Y

  W

  A

  Y

  !

  The crowd rose to their feet as Pericles confronted

  poor Cornelius. “And that means YOU, TOO,

  ROMAN HOG!”

  “No, Roman, YOU don’t understand!”

  The enraged Pericles stood bellowing and snorting

  at the Roman arena gate. “THE ZEBRA!” he

  roared. “BRING ME THE ZEBRA! I WILL BRING

  YOU ROMANS DOWN!”

  Leave

  this to

  ME!

  “Well, that’s a good start,” said Julius with a gulp.

  The agitated crowd started booing and chanting,

  “ROMANS OUT! ROMANS OUT!”

  Septimus signaled to two watching soldiers to drag

  Pericles away.

  “No, Donkey, it is NOT a good start,” growled

  Septimus.

  “Maybe I should go on next, to calm the crowd,”

  said Julius. “Who’s the next opponent?”

  “Douglas the sheep,” replied Septimus.

  “A SHEEP?” Felix laughed. “Sheep are stupid,

  bumbling creatures!”

  Where’s

  this fluffy

  little sheep?

  The blast of the cornicines’ horns and the roar of the

  crowd signaled the entrance of Felix’s opponent.

  “WAIT!” cried Septimus. “THIS IS NO ORDINARY

  SHEEP. . . . ” But it was too late. Felix skipped into

  the arena, greeted by boos and laughter.

  I am here,

  Roman.

  “A AIIEE! YOU’RE NOT A SHEEP!” screamed

  Felix. “YOU’RE A MONSTER!”

  “ARE YE THE ZEBRA?” growled Douglas,

  thumping his shield against his horns like a drum.

  “Um . . . no,” whimpered Felix. “I’m the antelope.”

  “Then YER GOIN’ DOWN, ROMAN!”

&n
bsp; The crowd roared their approval.

  Back at the gate, Julius put his head in his hooves.

  “This really isn’t going to end well.”

  The cornicines signaled the start of the fight, and the

  grizzled sheep didn’t waste any time in battering his

  sword against Felix’s shield.

  C

  o

  m

  e

  o

  n

  ,

  F

  e

  li

  x

  !

  Keep your

  body behind

  that shield.

  Y

  o

  u

  c

  a

  n

  d

  o

  it

  !

  But suddenly the sheep jogged away to the far side

  of the arena. Julius turned to Pliny and the others and

  shrugged. “Where’s he going?”

  “Maybe these Britons aren’t as tough as we thought,”

  Pliny said with a laugh. “Felix has got him on the run!”

  “I wouldn’t bet on it,” warned Milus.

  Much to everyone’s surprise, the plucky antelope

  held his ground against the relentless blows.

  Douglas the sheep bent forward, pointing his

  unwieldy horns in Felix’s direction, and bellowed,

  “YE ROMANS CAN’T PUSH US AROUND

  ANYMORE! YE ARE GOING DOWN!”

  A furious and desperate Septimus turned to Julius.

  “GET OUT THERE, DONKEY!” he screamed.

  “Fight for the pride of Rome! And if you DON’T win,

  YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC FRIENDS WILL

  NEVER SEE FREEDOM AGAIN!”

  The crowd stood up and cheered their approval.

  I am

  ready!

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  HOO NOO, BROON COO!

  Septimus shoved Julius out into the arena. “NOW,

  MAKE YOUR EMPEROR PROUD!” he bellowed.

  A great roar erupted from the crowd as Julius

  strutted to the center of the arena.

  Go on, Julius!

  Knock

  some sense

  into these

  barbarians!

  Back at the gate, Lucia, Rufus, Milus, and Pliny

  looked on anxiously.

  “This crowd REALLY hates us,” said Rufus.

  “Actually, they hate the Romans, and that includes

  US!” replied Lucia, biting her claws.

  In Rome only a few weeks ago, Julius had entered

  the Colosseum the people’s hero, but out here it was

  a different story entirely; out here the audience saw

  Julius as the enemy and hated him and all his fellow

  Roman gladiators.

  He’d already seen Cornelius and Felix soundly

  thrashed by the ferocious Britons. He was going to

  have to draw on all his training and experience to get

  him through the next few minutes.

  We should start

  thinking about getting

  out of here!

  I’m in!

  “We’ll let Julius fight this next gladiator, then we’ll

  make a run for it,” whispered Rufus.

  “Good idea,” said Lucia. “I’ll start thinking of an

  escape plan. You in, Milus?”

  “I’m not sure I like being called a Roman,”

  whispered Rufus, trying not to let Septimus hear him.

  “Me neither,” said Lucia.

  The familiar PARP of the cornicines’ horns finally

  heralded the entrance of Julius’s opponent.

  “ALL THE WAY FROM THE HIGHLANDS OF

  CALEDONIA,” cried

  the summa rudis,

  “BERTA THE

  COW!”

  From the opposite

  gate stomped in the

  biggest, hairiest cow

  Julius or any of the

  others had ever

  seen.

  “GEEZ!” cried

  Pliny. “Look at the

  horns on HER!”

  As the

  summa rudis

  drew the two

  adversaries

  together, Julius

  gasped at the

  size of his

  opponent.

  “Are YE supposed to be THE MIGHTY

  ZEEBRA?” rasped Berta, poking Julius in the

  stomach. “Ye dunna look so mighty from where

  AH’M standin’!”

  The trumpets

  signaled the start

  of the fight, and

  Julius immediately

  shoved the huge

  cow with his shield,

  forcing her to stumble

  backward. The

  audience let out a gasp.

  What are

  YE

  lookin’ at?

  Gulp!

  Come on,

  Julius!

  He might

  actually

  do this!

  I can’t

  watch!

  The embarrassed Berta held up her massive two-

  handed sword above her head and rushed at Julius

  with a great ROAR, then brought the blade down

  onto Julius’s shield with a KLANG, sending

  thundering shockwaves through his body.

  “Yikes! I felt THAT!” shuddered Pliny.

  “I think the whole amphitheater did,” said Lucia,

  peeking through her claws.

  ROMANS, GO HOME!

  RO

  MA

  NS

  ,

  GO

  HO

  ME

  !

  RO

  M

  AN

  S,

  GO

  HO

  M

  E!

  Berta unleashed a volley of blows against the

  valiant but ultimately overpowered zebra, pinning

  him to the floor.

  “Haven’t yez got it into yer head yet, Zeebra?” spat

  Berta. “We DUNNA WANT yez Romans here!”

  “I don’t want to be here, EITHER!” cried Julius.

  The crowd was going wild. Some of them even

  started ripping up the wooden stadium seats and

  chucking the broken slats into the arena.

  Fight back,

  you miserable

  DONKEY!

  Or you’ll have

  the emperor

  to answer to!

  Gathering all his strength, Julius let out a great yell.

  He charged at the enormous cow with his shield and

  flew into an attack with his sword, but Berta easily

  parried him away, sending Julius crashing to the

  ground.

  Septimus had seen enough.

  Come on, Julius!

  GET UP!

  Gasp!

  Julius leaped up, but with a swipe of the handle of

  her sword, Berta sent him flying, knocking his helmet

  right off his head.

  The cow raised her massive sword for one final

  blow.

  Is this the best

  that ROME

  has to offer?

  My auld

  granny

  had more

  bite in her

  FALSE

  TEETH!

  The dazed Julius braced himself behind his shield,

  his energy and resolve finally spent.

  “JULIUS! NOOOOO!” cried a desperate

  Lucia.

  In fact, she

  could take

  on ALL

  of yez

  ROMAN

  NANNY

  GOATS!

  Spl

  at!

  Sp />
  la

  t!

  Bo

  nk!

  Umm

  The whole arena exploded with a deep roar from the

  crowd. The empire’s so-called great zebra champion

  and ALL the Roman gladiators were BEATEN!

  Some of the audience began climbing over

  the arena wall and chanting abuse at the Roman

  dignitaries. Big chunks of wooden seating rained

  down, sending the Romans running for their lives.

  The unruly crowd then turned on the handful of

  cowering Roman soldiers who were struggling to

  keep the situation under control.

  Let’s get

  him out of

  here quickly!

  Septimus shepherded them all out the back gate

  and straight into the Roman fort next door as the

  amphitheater erupted into chaos.

  After the giant gates of the fort slammed shut

  behind them, Septimus exploded into a frenzy.

  “GET THAT STRIPEY IDIOT BACK

  HERE AT ONCE!” Septimus screamed.

  Rufus and Lucia sprinted to their stricken friend,

  who lay semiconscious on the arena floor, the

  rampaging crowd threatening to trample him

  underfoot.

  You

  call

  you

  rsel

  ves

  GL

  ADI

  AT

  OR

  S?

  You have

  brought shame

  upon our

  GREAT

  EMPIRE!

  “HADRIAN WILL BE HEARING ABOUT THIS

  OUTR AGE!” he yelled. “IN FACT, I’VE GOT

  A GOOD MIND TO SEND YOU ALL PACKING

  BACK TO ROME!”

  He grabbed Julius and pulled him right up to his face.

  “You have another fight in two days, Donkey.

  Prepare to be trained to within an inch of YOUR

  MISERABLE, FURRY LIFE!”

  The next morning, Septimus put Julius and his