Battle With the Britons! Read online

  friends through their most punishing training

  regime EVER.

  You

  will

  pay

  for

  this

  DISG

  RAC

  E!

  Puff!

  Gasp!

  Pa

  nt!

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  HOLE LOT OF TROUBLE

  Give me

  one hundred squat

  thrusts NOW!

  I

  HA

  T

  E

  sq

  u

  a

  t

  th

  ru

  st

  s!

  NOOO!

  Felix was really starting to struggle. “THESE

  PUSH-UPS ARE KILLING ME!” he cried. “I CAN’T

  FEEL MY ARMS!”

  Septimus stormed over. “What’s that, Goat? You

  can’t feel your arms, you say?”

  “No . . .” whimpered the floundering antelope.

  “Then let’s work on those RIDICULOUS

  SPINDLY LEGS OF YOURS!”

  I can’t

  TAKE

  any more!

  Ga

  sp

  !

  Ju

  st

  th

  ro

  w

  me

  to

  th

  e

  lio

  ns

  no

  w!

  “We don’t stand a chance against those Briton

  beasts no matter HOW much we train!” whimpered

  Felix. “I don’t know what they eat out here, but

  they’re MONSTERS!”

  Lucia sidled up to Julius. “Fear not,” she whispered.

  “I have formulated an escape plan!” And she tapped

  the side of her nose.

  Soon they all collapsed from exhaustion, dizziness,

  and discombobulation.

  “GOOD WORK!” barked Septimus. “Have a

  little rest, because we’re off for a twenty-mile

  cross-country run in five minutes.”

  Come on,

  I’m up for a run!

  Usual route

  around the fort?

  Septimus looked at Lucia suspiciously. “WAIT

  A MINUTE!” he said. “You must think I’m

  STUPID!”

  “Whatever do you mean?” replied Lucia innocently.

  “But how?” said Julius. “Septimus will be watching

  us like a hawk after last time.”

  “Don’t worry,” she said, tapping her nose again.

  “Just watch me.”

  “No dressing up?”

  “No dressing up!” the crocodile promised.

  I hope you know what

  you’re doing....

  Trust me.

  As they reached the fort, Lucia jogged up next to

  Septimus.

  “So, have you had much of a chance to look

  around Britannia since we arrived, Septimus?” she

  asked politely.

  “If you think I’m going to let you go running on

  your own after LAST TIME, you’ve got another thing

  coming. I’m going with you!”

  “Of course!” said Lucia, and they all ran off toward

  the fort.

  Beautiful

  meadows,

  you say?

  Oh,

  yes!

  Positively

  magnificent!

  “In fact, the wet seasons here create a gorgeous lush

  green landscape.”

  “WHAT?” replied Septimus gruffly. “No, I

  haven’t, not while I’ve had to keep an eye on YOU

  ODDBALLS!”

  “Oh, it really is a lovely place,” she said. “Rolling

  hills and beautiful meadows to rival even Rome

  itself.”

  What IS

  Lucia up to?

  Beats me!

  This way, everyone!

  As they trotted across the fields and around

  marshlands, Lucia dutifully pointed out interesting

  plants and natural wonders.

  “SHOW ME these meadows, Crocodile,” said

  Septimus. “I do like collecting wildflowers. They can

  often be useful ingredients for the infusion of balms

  and oils.”

  Lucia winked at the others.

  “He does like his bathing oils, old Septimus,”

  whispered Julius.

  May

  be

  we

  could

  rest

  at

  this

  beau

  ty

  spot

  befo

  re

  head

  ing

  back

  .

  “Yes, good plan!” agreed Septimus, admiring the

  view. “And when we get back, we can finish off with

  FIFTY JUMPING JACKS!”

  “But Septimus, we can jump here!” cried Lucia.

  They skirted around the edge of the ancient

  woodlands, keeping a beady eye out for any

  shifty-looking warriors who might jump out with

  their bows and arrows.

  Finally, they reached the boggy puddles that Rufus

  had cleverly steered the gang through while escaping

  the local barbarians.

  Jumping in

  puddles is lots

  of fun!

  She’s gone

  bonkers!

  Splip!

  “Yes, that looks like oodles of fun!” said Felix, and

  he and Rufus both joined in, leaping from puddle to

  puddle.

  “Come on, Julius and Cornelius!” called out Lucia

  with a cheeky wink. “And you, Milus. You could

  definitely do with some cheering up!”

  Sigh.

  If I must...

  S

  p

  lo

  p

  !

  “YOUR TURN!” shouted Lucia to Septimus.

  Septimus huffed with indignation. “You are, of

  course, joking.”

  “Oh, come on, Septimus!” cried Felix. “Jump away

  all that tension! No one’s looking!”

  Septimus grimaced, his eyes swiveling from one

  side to the other, to see if anyone might actually be

  watching. He took a deep breath and snorted through

  his big hairy nostrils.

  “Oh, all right,” he muttered.

  Ho-ho!

  It IS

  really

  fun!

  S

  P

  L

  I

  S

  H

  !

  “SEE?” shouted Lucia. “I told you!”

  As Septimus gleefully hopped from one big puddle

  to the next, Lucia suddenly pointed to a MASSIVE

  puddle just up ahead. “Check out the size of THAT

  one!” she squealed. “YOU have it, Septimus.”

  “OF COURSE I SHOULD HAVE IT!” he

  bellowed. And he took an enormous run before

  leaping into the air like a gazelle.

  He’s

  com

  plet

  ely

  disa

  ppe

  are

  d!

  “I KNOW!” cried Lucia. “That’s the puddle

  Rufus fell into up to his neck! I saved it especially for

  Septimus!”

  “QUICKLY!” shouted Julius. “Let’s move it before

  he surfaces!” And they ran away as fast as they could.

  As they leaped over hedges and across fields,

  Cornelius suddenly slapped h
is face.

  “PLINY!” he cried. “We forgot PLINY again!”

  “No, we didn’t,” said Milus, and he opened a

  pouch attached to his belt.

  All

  righ

  t,

  guys

  ?

  Th

  ank

  s

  for

  the

  dre

  nchi

  ng!

  “Lucia warned me about her plan, and I thought

  we should probably bring the little rodent along for

  the ride,” said Milus.

  “What?” said Julius, confused. “You knew about the

  puddle plan beforehand?”

  “You think I’d be happily jumping in puddles

  otherwise?” Milus snarled.

  “Hmm . . . I did wonder!” said Felix.

  “And do you have a plan as to what we do NOW,

  Lucia?” squeaked Cornelius. “We’re in the middle of

  nowhere!”

  Of COURSE I

  have a plan!

  When

  have you

  known ME to

  be without

  a plan?

  “Follow me!” she said before jogging off.

  As they followed her over a hill, Lucia pointed to a

  familiar-looking round hut with smoke drifting out of

  its tall, pointed roof.

  “We’re staying here tonight!” said the crocodile.

  “They’ll never think of looking for us here.” Lucia ran

  up to the small door and gave it a gentle knock.

  “But there’s a GHOST living in there!” screamed

  Felix, backing away slowly. “I saw it with my own

  eyeballs!”

  “You saw no such thing,” said Milus.

  “But what if it’s the home of ANGRY BARBARIAN

  WARRIORS?” asked a worried Julius.

  See?

  “Then we just look for somewhere else to stay,”

  replied Lucia, shrugging. “Simple!”

  Suddenly, the little wooden door creaked open,

  and a strange, pungent smell wafted out of the hut.

  A hooded old lady shuffled into the doorway.

  “Do come in,” she said with a smile. “I’ve just been

  cooking a broth. . . .”

  “Why are we here?” whispered Julius, looking around

  the eerie hovel. “This place gives me the CREEPS!”

  “You are free to leave,” croaked the old lady. “Do

  you think me glad to have the likes of a lion and a

  crocodile prowling about my house?”

  “Y-yeah, she’s right.” Felix gulped. “We should go and

  find somewhere else to sleep. I’ll see you guys later. . . .”

  “You’re going nowhere,” said Rufus, pulling Felix

  back by the horns.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  BOIL AND BUBBLE

  Um, we’re

  gladiators

  from

  Rome....

  S

  L

  U

  R

  P

  !

  “I know who you are!” said the old crone, turning

  toward the warthog and staring deep into his eyes.

  “You are Romans, but I believe there is more to you

  than meets the eye.”

  She shuffled to the middle of the room, where a

  large iron cauldron bubbled away, the source of the

  overpowering

  stench. “I have

  been making

  a broth. You are

  most welcome

  to partake

  with me.”

  “Please excuse my friends,” apologized Lucia.

  “We’re just looking for somewhere to spend the night.”

  The Romans

  are weak ...

  and the people

  can tell.

  She immediately coughed and retched, spitting the

  broth back into the cauldron. “Needs more salt,” she

  said, and shuffled to one of her shelves to pick up a

  small bowl of salt crystals.

  Felix made a face of disgust at Julius, sticking out

  his tongue. “I ain’t eating it,” he whispered. “You can’t

  make me!”

  Lucia gave the antelope a swift kick in the shin to

  shut him up.

  “I heard word of your contest yesterday. There is

  much trouble in the air,” croaked the old lady as she

  handed out bowls of broth.

  Nah! That’s

  all right!

  I’ll just

  have some

  of Milus’s.

  “We were brought over here to demonstrate how

  strong Rome is,” said Julius helpfully.

  “A last throw of the dice from a weak emperor!”

  rasped the old lady. “War is coming and he knows it.

  We all know it. And there’s nothing Hadrian can do to

  stop it.”

  “That’s what I’VE been trying to tell ’em!” piped

  up Pliny, poking his head out of Milus’s pouch.

  “These Romans are SCOUNDRELS. I wouldn’t trust

  them as far as I could THROW them!”

  The old lady laughed at the feisty mouse.

  “Would you like some broth, too, little warrior?

  I have plenty to go around.”

  What we need

  is a chieftain.

  Someone like

  Boudicca!

  “Boudicca?” said Julius. “Who’s Boudicca?”

  “Will you, now?” growled Milus.

  “Excuse me, but if the Romans are so weak,” said

  Julius as he sipped his broth, “then what do any of

  you have to fear?”

  The old crone stared into the hearth. “Our own

  leaders are weak, too! We have plenty of fighting

  men, but they are a rabble without leadership.”

  Ahem!

  Boudicca is the

  warrior queen

  who nearly

  defeated the

  Romans sixty

  years ago!

  “Your hairy friend knows his history well!” the old

  lady said appreciatively. “I was at the warrior queen’s

  side when we nearly drove these Roman cockroaches

  away all those years ago.”

  “WOW! How exciting!” exclaimed Lucia.

  The crone continued. “So fearsome was our queen

  that she almost rid every nook and cranny of our land

  of these vermin. The mad Emperor Nero himself was

  ready to order his army’s retreat and leave us as they

  had found us.” She let out a deep sigh and shook her

  head. “But ’twas not to be. . . .”

  The crone stood up to collect the empty bowls.

  “If Boudicca could see how our chieftains crawl and

  bow to the Roman invaders today,” she rasped, “she

  would rip out her own heart!”

  Here’s her

  cloak!

  Why don’t

  you try

  it on?

  Lucia nearly fainted. “Oh, but I couldn’t, it’s too

  precious.”

  The old crone shuffled over to the cloak and

  unhooked it. “Put it on, child. Our queen would share

  her mantle with one so courageous.”

  “Seems a bit drastic,” whispered Felix to Julius.

  “Please, tell us more about Boudicca,” urged Lucia.

  “She sounds FIERCE!”

  “Oh, my dear, Boudicca was a warrior so brave

  and ingenious, why, when she flew into battle on her

  chariot —”

  “SHE RODE A CHARIOT?”
/>   gasped Lucia. “By the gods, I love her ALREADY!”

  Wo

  w!

  It’s

  so

  bea

  utif

  ul!

  She started skipping around the room. “I want to

  be a queen riding into battle on my chariot!”

  The old lady chuckled. “Oh, how we Britons need

  another Boudicca today!”

  “HEY! I want to dress up, too!” said Julius. “But I

  want some of those blue paintings on my skin like

  our opponents!”

  The old lady tottered to one of her shelves. “Then

  I have just the thing for you!”

  She showed Julius a pot of blue paste. “This is

  woad. It is what our warriors use to paint patterns

  onto their bodies. Would you like to try some?”

  Lucia held the soft woolen cloak out in front of

  her. The orange and red checks looked as fresh as

  they must have on the day it was made. She swept it

  behind her and tied two corners around her neck.

  P.U.! It

  stinks!

  S

  n

  if

  f

  I feel

  like I

  could

  take

  on the

  WORLD!

  “You must choose an animal whose image would

  provoke FEAR in your enemies!” said the old lady.

  Felix piped up. “Make it a SPIDER, Julius. I hate

  spiders!”

  “Good answer. A spider it is, then!” said Julius.

  The crone

  cackled, then

  dipped her finger

  in the paste and

  started drawing on

  Julius’s chest.

  After ten

  minutes, she sat

  back and admired

  her handiwork. “Well,

  what do you think?”

  Be the

  CHAMPIONS

  that everyone

  says you are!

  “You might find that you’ll make more friends than

  enemies AND rid us of the Roman scourge once and

  for all!”

  “Then why don’t you?” said the old lady.